i thought that maybe if i devoured as much as i could in these feeds, eventually i would feel full.
i knew it was impossible, but i was behaving as though i might scroll my way to the very end.
maybe if i went deep enough, i’d find something i’ve never seen before. imagine the satisfaction of pulling a gem out from the algorithmic mud. to share something sparkling, previously undiscovered because people were too busy (or wise) to waste away their days searching for it.
i recently got into a card game called “magic: the gathering.” i’ve always really enjoyed a deck of cards. when i was a kid, i used to look up card tricks and try my best to convince my family members that i might actually be a mage. when i moved into my first apartment with my two best friends and my first girlfriend, we all became obsessed with tarot. we may have gone a little too far doing a reading the week we moved in, and immediately nailing the cards we pulled to our wall. it was a terrible reading and it was a terrible year. i think we willed the divination into being so long as we lived in that building.
what i really like about magic: the gathering is that it’s a little difficult to learn initially. i had to watch quite a few videos just to understand the pacing of the game. i played online incessantly for months and still felt like i barely understood the “phases” of a turn. and it seems easy enough because the instructions are technically on the card, but after obsessing over this game for about 8 months now, i’m still finding new ways to play. and what i really like about it is that i had to buy physical cards and play against other people before i actually started to feel like i knew what i was doing. playing against friends and strangers during weekly local meetups, all with different decks filled with cards i’d never seen before. i felt like it was the first time in years where in order to do this silly, fun thing, i had to actually use my brain to think and strategize. it felt really good to be so fixated on strategy for an actual game, instead fixating on strategies for this game of music industry that i think i got tricked into playing.
i imagine you’re sick of all roads leading back to capitalism, but it feels so inescapable lately.
if i’m not careful, my leisure time is disappeared by the phone in my hand. i am so much happier when i ignore my responsibilities and play a physical card game or get lost making inaccessible music, but i am too strapped to this device that keeps trying to convince me it knows what i need. i am embarrassed by the frequent moments when i forget that it is not actually trying to help me at all.
but, back to magic. it also felt like the first time in years where i was genuinely experiencing something novel. seeing 100-card decks built by strangers used to play a game with three decades worth of lore attached gave me the sensation that i hoped i might get at the bottom of the feeds. it triggered my curiosity and inspired me to learn more about the game. it made me want to build my own decks (i’ve built four in the last few months). i found myself entranced by the vintage art on the older cards. all this real life stimulus snuck its way into the work i was making. suddenly my collaborators and i were creating extensive lore for the music and the visuals and the merch. this card game showed me so much about world building. i wanted my fans to feel how mtg made me feel when they dove into my catalog.
for the past several months, i kept asking myself “how does this all translate to social media platforms?” and the more i struggle with that question, the more i think it just doesn’t. i think i’d prefer to focus on the physical, more tangible parts of it all, and maybe i can breadcrumb some of these feelings through 15 second tiktoks or photo dumps, but you can’t really feel it unless you experience it in full. headphones on, listening to the entirety of a song. maybe even listening more than once. maybe even listening on a beach, in a club, or a military fort turned festival. maybe you and i could listen and dance together. that would be the best way to experience it, if it were up to me.
but ultimately it’s up to you.
as much as dance floors are now flooded with phone screens all pointed toward the booth, i know of a few places and parties i can go where the main intention is to move bodies and spend time with friends. i know people who aren’t afraid to put in sweat and money they hardly have to create that space for other people to experience. to remind people that something exists beyond the familiar blue light.
the next song i’m releasing this friday ‘big smile’ is meant to be heard with other people, dancing together. i love it on headphones too, it’s got some reflective moments that can be enjoyed alone for sure. but it is absolutely meant for a group, and it’s meant to be felt in your chest.
maybe we can experience it together, in person, sans screens, soon.
