#012

4/6/25

it’s always something, but lately it’s softer, and somehow more solidified than ever before.

certain things are resonating that excite me to no end. the idea that maybe i am totally off the deep end - maybe that’s too on the nose. i feel good about the photoshoot and proud i walked into the water even if i didn’t totally submerge the way i had been quietly planning. it’s just that when that big wave hit, a shock ran through my body and i needed to turn away. i felt a very brief feeling of fear, immediately followed by a kind of euphoric sensation and despite being in wet boxers and a cold metal-laden corset, i couldn’t feel the temperature or brisk wind chill like before. i had a cigarette by where we parked my car. i was fully buzzing - felt like i had taken drugs even.

i knew we had everything we needed. i felt a complete confidence and trust in everything and everyone around me.

we made the vision real - in a way, the lore became real too.

completely taken by this entire experience. feels like dreams coming true and it all feels so much more real than the shit i had convinced myself as “the dream.” no, this part of it all is actual magic work - spirit work - energetic work. this is what’s required to then pass the sensation along to anyone willing to listen, interested in witnessing, open to participating.

i cringe thinking of that fader article now. i wasn’t searching for “cool” and my confusion was based in being fully aware of how subjective that is. i was searching for meaning - and that can only be found in the Work.